i have moved.

comment if i forgot to add you to the new one. that is if you still wanna read my drivel. :)

hello everyone. this is to inform you that i died today.

but tomorrow shall be a new day and a new life, hopefully with better things. i will take the people i love along in my new life but to those of you who are part of my yesterdays, you will live on as memories.

thank you for being a part of my life.

this will be the last post of this 3-year-old journal. i do have another corner online where i shall post my daily drivel and my emotional turmoil (esp now) but it is only for those i absolutely love and trust.

tomorrow will be sha's engagement. congratulations girl! i'm gonna see you girls there.






and oh yeah, we broke up.

it is very very hard to be strong right now when half of me is ripped away.

ok so this is bloody random but

i just learnt yesterday that my favourite lecturer is the president's nephew.
yeah. that is all.

i miss my amazing boyfriend!

ok goodnight folks

today we sheeshaed at ambrosia.and now i leave you with

polaroids!

accompanied by gina's lovely penmanship.


annabelle wrote pretty girls. haha. dont ask why. and gina changed the 'girls' to gina. pfft.

( gina darling, it's sheesha not shishak! )

it's been a while aye? i spent the whole of last night surfing the web looking for the best room rates in ny. i'm deciding between W and westin, both at times square. or is there another better place? but it has to be at times square or somewhere within the vicinity. W looks really really nice though. mas told me i MUST visit woodbury common. he said it's like some sort of shopping wonderland and showed me this list of shops. oh and he also showed me pictures of his loot when he was there.

mehhhhh. i didnt know boys shop so much.

today i will be meeting some compadres at arab street tonight. gonna sheesha and have a few laughs. and i'm also spending the afternoon with my mom. anyway, i am superbloody drained cos i went out every day for the past week. not that i wanted to...painted a mural with zuli for streetfest! the method, baby.

shit i'm so tired.

oh he's on the to KL as we speak. i badly need to go on a trip too! need to get out of this country. the weather is a killer too. i take 3 cold showers everyday. god.

i love nik.

some guy is beating up his girlfriend under my block. she's crying he's screaming.

some guys can be such motherfuckers.

ok now since i gave him the surprise i can have a public post and with another better picture this time.

this is the painting i gave him for our one year anniversary. god the colours are all wrong. it's pink and light blue actually. stupid cam!

acrylic and ink on canvas.



and he made this card for me. alamak so cutela kan. he actually cut the little hearts out and pasted them individually. you cant see it but it's glittery. inside of card? secret. :)

lovelove.

i present you, a product of boredom.

what in the name of arse happened to rob thomas?

some overdued pictures i stole from hezwan. east coast with the boys.



( + )

life is too short to be angry all the time. tell the people you love what they really mean to you today.

Hey, are you lonely?
Has summer gone so slowly?
We found the ground
And that damage was done
It's cold as you fade into the sun
Where'd you go? To me?

But you're alive!
Well, it's only
Fallen frames, they told me
You stand out, it's so loud
And so what if it is?
It's cold as you face into the wind
Where'd it go to?
tonight the sun shall see its light

So what if you catch me,
Where would we land?
In somebody's life
For taking his hands
Sing to me hope as she's
Thrown on the sand
All of your work
Is rated again
Where to go ?

And you were so loud
The rain this thing could allow
But it's all wrong
You're so strong
And this life and work
And choice took far too long
Where'd it go?
tonight the sun shall see its light

So what if you catch me,
Where would we land?
In somebody's life
For taking his hands
Sing to me hope as she's
Thrown on the sand
All of our work
Is rated again

When I was sure you'd follow through
My world was turned to blue so thin
When you'd hide your songs would die
So I'd hide yours with mine
And all my words were bound to fail
I know you won't fail
See, I can tell

it feels wonderful.

today, i saw beautiful things, had pleasant conversations with wonderful people, had delicious (free) food...while in the company of someone special.

and the weather is such a delight! moments like these should be captured in stills.

the past few days i was rummaging through the old albums cos i was looking for some old pictures of my mum to vectorize for her mother's day card which is now on the fridge. haha. so anyway, it was nice looking through yesterdays. and i found some real gems. most are holiday snaps cos they're in the big albums which are easier to sort through.

10:25pm edit: yes the lady in the last two photographs is ogy ahmad daud. my mum just told me. that makes it even more amusing.

my grandma with her sons (papa and uncle oci), during the 50s


( yesterday once more )

happy mother's day to all the mumsies out there!

today at my grandma's, my mum sang/rapped 50 cent's candy shop. yes she did. it is weird and amusing at the same time to realise that your mum watches more mtv than you do.

she thinks wade robson is hot. oh we love you mama :)

uh huh yeah, she ain't no hollaback girl. haha!

i'm sorry mama because on sunday (your day, that is) i will be a walking zombie due to the lack of sleep. i am also sorry to my body which i have been neglecting. it's been down to 4 hrs of sleep at most and two meals a day with random snacks in between.

no i am not on a diet. and i dont have an eating disorder. just so you know, i usually eat A LOT. yes that's right.

anyway, i wont be sleeping tonight. i cannot sleep. i cannot rest with so many things running through my head. maybe i will though i'm not sure. i need to talk to someone before this heart can rest and hopefully i will get some sleep but i am afraid i will suffocate again like last night.

and you. i love you. god i love you so fucking much.

in spite of


everything.

today..it is a good day. c'est tell'ment bon! the master of elements and i had brunch and if grace and rach were there it would be brunch ala sex & the city. haha! i wanted to be charlotte but we figured that role belongs to rach since well since she's the sweetest among us brash girlies.

after brunch, we decided to kick some butts at the arcade. zombie butts actually. yeah we gunned down a couple of them in house of the dead. but it didnt take long till we died. game over. we suck at shooting, seriously. but i won her at air hockey. victory is mine! (stewie...teehehe)

headed to the library and we had a little read until the skies turned a scary shade of grey. angry rain is afoot! when i stepped out of the library i thought i was gonna make it in time.

but no i was soaked. bloody soaked head to toe. but for some weird reason i just kept laughing all the way as i walked in that heavy rain. sudden delirium took over me. and i was alone. it's absolutely absurd. but it felt good.

alright gonna get ready meet the boy now.

i did not get a wink of sleep last night and i am feeling so nauseous and dizzy right now plus the fact that i am feeling absolutely down in the doldrums is not helping the situation much.

we put down the phone at around 3 and since i have fucked up my body clock i could only probably be sleepy at 4 just like the recent nights but last night, i found myself wide awake all the way up till the sun rays were shining through the sheer curtains. i did not sleep well and probably went in and out of sleep every 30 mins or so. i was choking actually. i couldnt breathe cos of the blocked nose. is it natural to feel suffocated when one is trying to sleep with a blocked nose? i seriously thought i was gonna die.

on this day last year, i fell in love with you.

-06 May 2004-

somebody accompanied silly me the whole of last night. the full moon was up. that was

gorgeousness.

there was something else. something far more deeper than any physical/emotional connection i ever had with anybody in my entire 20 years, even though the only time we had physical contact was when he grabbed my wrist to direct it to the cloud which he said looked like beethoven.

there were the momentary gazes and the sudden awkwardness when we realised the fact that there was something.

do you remember?

And when the crowd becomes your burden
And you've early closed your curtains,
I'll wait by the backstage door

je ne pas parle français